


A Soldier's Spring

by wandas_sunshine



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes & Shuri Friendship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Flashbacks, Memory Loss, Minor Character Death, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Slow Burn, memory recovery, winter soldier reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:35:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23979835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandas_sunshine/pseuds/wandas_sunshine
Summary: She was one of Hydra's best kept secrets; a female Winter Soldier. And Bucky can't let her go through everything he did alone. Everything is coming back to her, and he's the only one that can help become human again.This series was originally posted by me on wandas-sunshine on tumblr. All writing here belongs to me.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be an extreme slowburn. So fair warning, Bucky doesn't even come in until chapter 1 and they don't meet face to face until chapter 3. Please stick with me, it's worth it!
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Description of torture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Description of torture

“Mission report.” A voice commanded. There were so many people, but that woman in the chair had hardly acknowledged anyone until those words were spoken. She blinked a few times, keeping her head down. The man before her stepped into her personal space. She tensed like she knew she should make a run for it, but she stayed right where she was.

“Sir, she’s been practically unresponsive since she was brought back.” One of the men in lab coats attempted to explain. They’d been concerned about her obedience for some time now. At the beginning she had been a perfect weapon, a perfect soldier. Recently, though, things were changing. She didn’t respond to their questions, she fought when it was time for them to reprogram her brain.

The man twisted a hand into her hair right at her scalp and jerked her head up to meet his stone cold gaze. She hissed almost inaudibly, but didn’t glare or beg him to stop. A look of irritation crossed his features, but just as soon as it had come, it was gone. The man yanked her hair once more for good measure.

“I said ‘mission report’, soldat.” His voice was just as icy as his eyes were. The woman grit her teeth at the discomfort.

“Target terminated. No witnesses. The research was destroyed.” She told him. Her eyes held no fear, no anger. Her voice came out steady and emotionless as if she wasn’t talking about the murder she had just committed. The man released her, and her head dropped down to stare at her lap again.

“Get her injuries fixed up and put her away.” He ordered the other Hydra agents scattered around the room. They set to it, doctors stepping in to examine her and ensure she was in perfect health.

“Why did I kill that woman?” The brainwashed soldier questioned before the man in charge could walk out the door. It wasn’t a hostile question, but rather the type a toddler would ask about anything and everything. Curious, and all too innocent for a young woman who had just killed a complete stranger.

“She was a threat to all of the good that Hydra has been working towards.” The man explained in response. It was rehearsed, the same thing that she’d heard after her last two missions. “You protect Hydra. You keep people like her from taking down our organization. You saved humanity from inevitable doom.”

The girl shook her head, the most miniscule of movements, so tiny and hesitant that it almost looked like she wasn’t moving at all.

“She was a scientist, she was working with a team to cure cancer.” The soldier told them quietly. She’d read that in the files she was ordered to burn. Top secret research gone up in flames.  
“Are you questioning your superiors, soldat?” The man spat. She didn’t reply. It felt wrong, everything felt so wrong. She’d killed a woman who had committed no atrocities. A woman who was dedicating her own life to saving those of millions. That information she’d burned could’ve saved people and instead she’d sentenced them to death. “You should be honored to have helped us. We are saving humankind.”

Once again, the young woman’s head dropped. Her mind was spinning and her chest felt heavy, like someone was trying to crush her. Thoughts were filling her head, thoughts her handlers hadn’t most definitely not put there themselves. Questions and worries and terror at the thought of killing people over nothing, or maybe over things she’d never know the use of.

“Wipe her, start over again.” The man ordered. Her eyes widened and her heart hammered a mile a minute in her chest. Her instincts told her to get out. To run, and fight. That going down fighting would be less painful than forgetting everything again. Her training was telling her to tough it out. They’d fried her brain a million times before, this wasn’t going to be any different.

A couple men locked her hands and ankles into place in freezing metal cuffs so that she couldn’t fight like she tended to. Another forced a mouthguard between her teeth. She squeezed her eyes shut as the cool metal pressed against her head.

Then agony.

She wailed through clenched teeth. The scientists and doctors and soldiers weren’t phased in the least by the cries of anguish. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t move. Her limbs seized, she fought desperately against the restraints. They cut through her skin, rubbing her wrists raw and tugging her ankle at an awkward angle as she tried to free herself. Her chest heaved and she sobbed, crystalline tears welling in her eyes.

When it was over, the woman’s head lolled to the side. It was too much for her to even move for a moment. She didn’t have the strength to even her breathing, instead she let her lungs suck in ragged breaths until the pain subsided.

_You’re alright. You’ll be just fine._

The voice that echoed at the back of her mind, filling the empty silence in her head, didn’t belong to any of the people around her. And she didn’t think it was hers. It made her want to panic. When had she begun wanting something not programmed into her.

_Just hold on (Y/N). You’re so strong. So much stronger than their brainwashing. Don’t give in to this._

Then the words were being spoken. The ones that turned her brain into putty for Hydra to mold however they saw fit. She clenched her aching fit, trying to shut out the voice as she always did when they decided it was time to make her obey again. But to her horror she heard every hiss of Russian that came from his lips. He stepped closer, crossing his arms and towering over her.

“Welcome back, soldat.” He spoke coldly. Her head lifted to meet him with empty eyes.

_Be strong, (Y/N). They can’t control a force like you._

“Я готов отвечать.”


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Minor character death, light

_A beautiful woman was sitting at a picnic table in the park, a bright smile lighting up her face. Her little girl was on the swings with an equally bright grin. She’d gotten the day off of work and decided it was the perfect opportunity for some quality time with (Y/N).  
“Mommy, mommy, look!” The girl cheered, her legs swinging to pump her swing higher and higher into the air. Her mom smiled proudly, pushing a loose lock of hair behind her ear and glancing at her cell phone for a moment._

__

_“Be careful, sweetheart. You already hurt yourself once today, we don’t want you doing it again.” She warned. The child disregarded the statement all together. She was on cloud nine. Her mother was there with her, and she was flying._

_It was an accident. She hadn’t meant to swing so high, and she hadn’t meant to slip off the seat, but she had tempted fate, and she’d lost her grip on the rope holding the swing. She fell backwards and hit the ground with a wail. Her back had collided first, and her head had bounced hard enough to make her see stars. Her side ached, she couldn’t breathe._

_“(Y/N)!” Her mother called, rushing to kneel at the girl’s side. Her warm hand swept across the child’s face, pushing her hair out of the way. Her hand came back wet with blood. “Stay with me, (Y/N), okay?” She cooed, doing her best to stay calm. But the child was struggling to keep her eyes open, slowly falling unconscious in her mom’s arms. Her mother whipped out her phone._

__

__

_“This is agent (Y/L/N). I need medics at my location. Pronto."_

“Парк...Восемь...Сгореть...Семнадцать...Сломана...Гавань...Открыть...Отказ...Отказ...Делить…” The Hydra agent listed out several words in Russian. It was followed by a long, tense silence from all of the other agents and scientists in the room. At the middle of the room sat a chair, big and metal and with contraptions attached to it. A young girl, no older than 21, sat in it, entirely motionless. It nearly looked as if she’d fallen asleep.

“Доброе утро, soldat.” The man spoke once again. He was tall with close cropped dark hair and even darker eyes. Truth be told, he would’ve been handsome were it not for the cold, cruel twinkle in his eyes.

The woman lifted her head slowly. There was no emotion behind her glazed over eyes. She didn’t look at anyone or anything, just stared into space as she answered.

“Я готов отвечать.” The words came out robotically, like she had no idea she was speaking at all.

“We have a mission for you.” The man dropped a file into her lap. She picked it up, flicking through it and finally seeming to come to life. She remained cold, but it was clear she had been waiting for activation. Now her muscles were tensed like she’d pounce any moment. It covered two people, a married couple. The man was an engineer who had turned down offers from Shield twice. The woman was a biochemist who had made several advancements in her field.

“Kill the targets. Leave no witnesses.” The Hydra agent paced back and forth in front of her until she finished with the file and passed it back. She gave a barely noticeable nod in response. Then she was guided out of the room by a team of handlers, guns pointed at her from every angle like she was a wild animal too dangerous to leave on her own. Then again, maybe she was.

She didn’t know just how long had passed, but she had been loaded into a plane with a handful of Hydra agents. She sat quietly and obediently in her seat, just looking out the window. She didn’t pay any mind to how long had passed. She wasn’t expected to. Soon enough they had landed. Her motorcycle was unloaded and she was weighed down with weapons. Rifles, knives, pistols, even grenades. She was given her orders once more.

Track down and terminate the targets. Leave no witnesses. Return to that very spot. She had 7 hours.

She set off, riding dangerously through the crowded streets, weaving through and disregarding the safety of anyone else. Most everyone stayed out of her way. Anyone with any sense would know to stay out of the way of a crazed woman on a motorcycle with an assault rifle strapped to her back. She rode to the edge of town. She could see the beach in the distance as she stopped to wait for the cover of night.

She was right out in the open, but nobody dared to bother her. She was cloaked in all black with a heavy mask obscuring the majority of her face. What wasn’t hidden by the mask was hidden behind loose hair. She had her rifle strapped to her back, one pistol in a holster on her belt, two more in her thigh holster and several throwing knives strapped to the other. She didn’t care an inch about blending in.

Once the sun was setting, the soldier started up her bike again, driving down a winding road. It was a nice, upper class neighborhood. Sprawling, artificial green lawns dotted with pristine, towering houses. She came to a stop at the end of the street. A house much more modest than the others sat at the end of a long driveway.

She took her time in examining her surroundings. The house was only three stories as opposed to the four and five level mansions she had passed on her way in. There was no pool or expensive garden. It looked less like a show of wealth and more like a real home. Its grounds were big enough that she was tucked well out of sight of the other houses in the area. She spotted five cameras from the front of the property. She slipped off her bike, pulling one of the pistols from her holster. Five flawless shots, and the cameras were out of order.

The lights in the house were already off aside from one room on the third floor. Targets located. It was almost too easy. She confidently walked towards the security system box, lifting her gun and shooting it twice. That should suffice. Her hands tugged at one of the windows and she felt the lock snap easily under her strength. She didn’t waste any time climbing through the window. Her heavy black boots landed on the hardwood floor with deadly silence.

She scanned the room silently before heading for the stairs. The first flight was passed without so much as a creak. She’d nearly made it all the way to the third floor when she stopped in her tracks. (Y/E/C) eyes slowly lowered to where her foot was half hovering over the next step. Under the sole of her shoe was a powder-pink stuffed elephant. She couldn’t place what had urged her to do it, but the assassin bent to pick up the toy. It was strange for her, holding something so soft and fragile knowing that within moments those hands will have killed once again. So she carefully propped it up against the step and continued on.

At the very top of the stairs, she marched towards the room where the light was seeping from. She readied her gun, but was stopped once more by the sound of a giggle. One much too small, much too innocent. Then came voices.

“Another story, daddy!” A tiny voice pleaded. Then came another.

“Just one more. Then we’ll go to sleep! We promise!” The second voice sounded older, but hardly old enough. The woman’s stomach twisted and she faltered, lowering her weapon.

 _(Y/N), don’t do this._ A voice cut through her head. She whipped around, her gun lifted and ready to shoot down whoever had managed to sneak up on her. But the voice was most certainly coming from inside her head. Panic was settling in her chest now, a feeling she wasn’t used to. _You can’t finish this mission, (Y/N). They’re just babies…_

She squeezed her eyes shut. This was her mission. She had to finish this, she never failed a mission before. She had to take out her targets.

“No witnesses.” The voice of the Hydra agent broke through her thoughts. Her entire body felt weak as she stepped towards the doorway. Her targets, a couple barely in their early 30s, were nestled on a too-small bed. They had two young girls tucked against them. The oldest was maybe 9 in a blue nightgown, the other about 6 wore a pair of paw print pajamas. And worst of all, cradled in the father’s arms was an infant.

The winter soldier scrambled back, pressing her body to the wall and desperately trying to even her breathing. What was happening? There was no record of children in the files. Did they expect her to slaughter helpless kids? Or was she supposed to leave them without parents to take care of them? Every one of her senses had been dialed up all the way to 12. The lights were blinding her, the sound of blood rushing through her forced her to clutch her head.

_It was late at night. The young girl had been sound asleep in the back of the car. The radio was playing the classic rock station that her mother loved so much, and her father was quiet behind the steering wheel. It was a warm summer night, just after 11pm. The sky was a bluish shade of black with stars twinkling as clear as day. She’d fallen asleep trying to match the constellations to the ones in her book._

__

__

__

_They had been on vacation. A nice little beach house out of the way of the crowds. Her room had looked out over the water. Her mom had taught her how to use the camera, her dad had been trying to teach her how to surf. They were meant to stay the whole week, but it was cut short when her parents were urgently called into work. But the girl didn’t mind. That was normal really. Every vacation she’d ever been on ended that way. This time they’d managed to stay a whole four days. That was enough to make her happy, really._

__

__

__

_It was the sound of glass shattering and a scream that drew her out of her sleep. Then came another loud sound, a gunshot. Her father cried out her mother’s name and the car screeched to a halt. Now she was paying attention. Her eyes were wide and startled, and her heart pounded in her chest._

__

__

__

_“(Y/N), get out of here.” Her dad twisted and pressed a cell phone into her hand with a panicked look on his face that made her feel like she was going to be sick. “Run. Run as fast as you can and don’t stop until you find someplace to hide. Fury will come and find you.” He wasn’t ordering her, just begging her to trust in him. Then there was another shot and he slumped as far as he could with his seatbelt still holding him. There was a bullet wound in his head._

__

__

__

_She screamed, scrambling to get out of the car, to get away from everything she’d just seen. She clutched the phone like the lifeline it was and ran full tilt. She needed out. Her legs trembled underneath her, barely holding herself up and giving out at times, but she kept going. She wasn’t sure how many times she’d fallen, but her hands were scraped up and bleeding. Her lungs were burning. Finally, she collapsed to her knees, clenching her hands into fists so she could focus on something. She couldn’t help herself, she peeked over her shoulder. The car was barely visible now, but she watched as it went up in flames with her parents inside._

__

Bucky was falling in love with Wakanda. At first, he’d been terrified. Terrified to be so alone in a foreign place, terrified that they wouldn’t be able to fix his brain, terrified that he’d ruin such a beautiful paradise. But T’Challa had insisted that he was in the best hands, and the young princess was positive that she’d have him fixed in no time.

__

“If anyone can figure out how to help you, it is me and my people.” She had said. Bucky wasn’t so sure.

__

Now, things seemed to be looking up. Shuri had kept her word. They’d managed to clear the trigger words from his brain. That meant there shouldn’t be any way he’d sink back into Hydra’s robotic weapon again. The murderer he once was had been destroyed. He still felt like a threat, but the people of Wakanda trusted fully in their royals. As long as T’Challa and Shuri trusted him, the people would too. He still did what he could to avoid them. He preferred staying in his new home by himself. He’d read or cook or write. Shuri had recommended he start a journal to help with the trauma. He thought the idea was pointless, but it gave him something to do.

__

His nights were often long, filled with restlessness or nightmares. This one was no different. He woke up drenched in sweat. He couldn’t recall exactly what had happened in his dream, but the familiar weight of guilt in his chest was enough to tell him he’d been stuck reliving one of his crimes.

__

He climbed out of his bed and dressed himself. They’d provided him with plenty of options, letting him choose whether he’d prefer to dress in his usual style or blend in more with the Wakandans who had so kindly taken him in. He tended to choose the latter.

__

It was early morning, not quite 6am yet. The sun was still down, but he ventured out into the cool morning air anyways. Some people were already out, tending to gardens or animals. For the most part, they paid him no mind, as did he to them. He had so much on his mind that needed working out. He could usually talk it out with Steve, but they hadn’t talked in a couple days. The last he’d heard, Steve and Sam were tracking a lead on some of the last known Hydra bases.

__

It was no real surprise to anyone when Bucky made his way to Shuri’s lab. She had become a sort of comfort in hard times for him. He didn’t really expect her to be working at that god-forsaken hour of the morning. If anything he’d expected to try and get more sleep until she came along. But when the doors opened, he found her hunched over her latest project. Considering how tired she looked, Bucky wasn’t sure she had gotten any more sleep than he had.

__

“Bucky,” She greeted with a smile. She’d only just taken to calling him by his first name. “You look tired. Sit, talk.” She nodded towards the chair that she always left open for his visits. She reminded him so much of his little sister the way she bossed him and worried about him even if she refused to admit it. But he didn’t argue, just sat down and watched for a moment while she continued her work.

__

“I keep having these nightmares. They were getting better for a while. But now it’s like they send me back there, doing it all over again but I can’t figure out how to control myself, I can’t stop it.” He confessed with a groan. His hand rubbed over his face and pushed to card through his hair. The princess gave him a soft smile. She knew he was angry with himself for everything he’d done.

__

“It was not your fault.” She said after a long, heavy moment of silence between them. “You were not in control of yourself.” He simply nodded. He’d heard it a million times before, but it still wasn’t setting in.

__

“I remember it all. Every single mission they sent me on. It’s all stuck in my head.” He confessed. She hesitated, and he wondered if she was trying to think up a way to erase the memories. She’d expected that he’d remember, warned him that it would probably be crystal clear, but she hadn’t thought too much about how it would weigh on him. “I’m a monster. You don’t know the half of what I’ve done, kid.” He looked down at his hand in his lap. He hated thinking about all of the pain he’d caused. He’d always intended to be the good guy. That’s the entire reason he’d enlisted. People needed protecting, and instead he’d slaughtered innocent people.

__

“You are not that soldier anymore, Sergeant Barnes,” Shuri rested her hand on his bicep. “You are a good man who was forced to do very bad things.”

__

She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t tear these innocent children’s worlds apart. She couldn’t kill them. They were just babies. Her hands were trembling so hard she had to put her gun away just to keep from dropping it. They hadn’t even noticed her yet, there was still time to back out.

__

She had to run.

__

The thought made her sick to her stomach. She was a soldier, an assassin. This was what she was created to do. Her handlers would be so angry when they caught her. And they would definitely catch her eventually. They had eyes and ears everywhere. There was nobody she could trust. She clutched her head and dragged her hands through her hair. What was she doing? She was given a mission, she was useless if she couldn’t even follow orders. She’d be punished for her insubordination.

__

She had to run.

__

She turned on her heel and raced silently down the stairs. She spared the stuffed elephant half a glance on her way out. At the window, she climbed back out, nudging it shut as if that would fix the fact that she’d broken in in the first place. She had to steady herself for a moment before getting on her bike and riding back the way she’d come.

__

She had no idea where she was. She had no idea where she was going. The only thing she knew for sure was that there was no turning back now.

__


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Angst, torture scene, violence

Her head was spinning. She couldn’t stay in this town. It would be too obvious and she knew that they’d find her by the time the sun came up. She weaved her way through the city, leaving a wide perimeter around the rendezvous point. Her handling team would all be waiting there for her to return just like a perfectly trained puppy.

That’s just what she was, wasn’t it. Their perfect little guard dog. Some animal that they could order around and leave chained up when they were finished with her. One step out of line and she was punished. But not anymore. She wasn’t satisfied with being on a leash. She had a mind of her own. Didn’t she?

She sped her way around the town, past signs and storefronts, until she was even a little bit convinced that she’d put enough space between her and the Hydra agents who had brought her out to play. It had taken nearly an hour for her to be comfortable. She had found a small, quiet town. That didn’t seem to calm the uneasy feeling that was settling in her gut. Even if her instincts told her that this was her safest bet, she knew that quiet towns were good at spotting anything out of the ordinary.

It was well into the night, nearly midnight she figured. That left about 3 hours until her handlers would be looking for her. She hurried, eyeing rundown houses and family run businesses until she found one she could bother with. There were no cars in the drive, and no lights inside the house. It held a sizable shed. No visible security or particularly sturdy locks.

She quietly snapped the lock off the shed and guided her bike inside. There were a few tarps folded neatly on a shelf. She tugged one down, covering her bike in the front corner and tucking herself behind it. The corner was cramped between the motorcycle and the other clutter that likely hadn’t been touched in ages. But it felt safe enough for her to quickly drift off to sleep. She was exhausted. Something she couldn’t remember really feeling in ages.

Bucky had returned to his home, relaxing on his bed with his journal. It was late enough in the day since Shuri had insisted on keeping him for breakfast. The sun was high in the sky, and he hadn’t gotten any more sleep in the lab, but he was much calmer now. Shuri had advised yoga or meditation. He went for a walk instead.

When the phone on his stand rang, he knew it could only be one person. Shuri had given him and Steve each specialized phones. She said they would be more secure than any that they could buy, and Bucky was learning to trust whatever the girl said. She truly had become a saviour for him lately. It was hard to believe she was only 16.

“Hey, punk.” He greeted. Every time he picked up, he worried that it would be the police or some special agents that had finally managed to hunt Steve down. Or Sam calling to tell him that a mission had gone sideways. But his concern always eased at the sound of Steve on the other end.

“Hey, Buck. Thought I’d call and check in. Haven’t called in a few days.” Steve said cheerily. As hypocritical as it was, and really he did know it was, Bucky hated the way Steve was always fussing about him. Mostly he hated knowing exactly what he was worried about. It wasn’t some outside threat. Wakanda was the most secure place he could be. No, he was worried that Bucky would snap again, or that he wasn’t safe enough to be on his own. But he couldn’t be angry about it. He understood, even if it stung to have his scrawny best friend worrying about him and not the other way around. Truthfully, Bucky worried every day that he wasn’t safe enough to be alone with himself.

“Don’t go worrying about me. Shuri’s keeping a close eye on me. She has me keeping some journal.” He laughed and looked at the leather book sitting open in front of him. He’d only managed a few words this time around. His brain simply wouldn’t give anything up. “She says it’ll be good for me. Help work through the memories.”

Steve gave a short hum in response. He knew Bucky too well to think he believed it was doing any good. But he figured it would be a good enough start until he decided to open up and trust someone.

“How’s the arm coming?” Steve questioned hesitantly. The arm was a little bit of a touchy subject. It had been Bucky’s idea to remove the one Hydra had fitted him with. He insisted it was for safety purposes. Just in case anything went wrong, he’d said. Everyone else knew it was more than that. But Shuri had insisted on making him a new and improved prosthetic. She confided in Steve, told him she hoped connecting it to recovery instead of all the bad the other one had done might help him come to terms with it being a part of him and not Hydra.

“I don’t need it. I’m really getting the hang of this whole one arm thing.” Bucky hoped that he didn’t sound as disgusted as he felt. “How are you? Wherever you are. How’s the lead coming along?” If Steve recognized his blatant attempt at changing the subject,he didn’t say anything about it.

“It’s alright. Sam’s out here going crazy. Driving me crazy. I’m worried if we don’t finish up here soon, Nat’s gonna kill him.” Steve gave a fond laugh, and Bucky did too. “The lead didn’t give us much. But we may have found something.”

“Something like what?” He didn’t quite like the way Steve said that.

It was early when (Y/N) started awake. She whipped her head around in a frenzy until she registered her surroundings. Then she was paralyzed by the panic setting in. Unadulterated terror. She’d run away, she’d ruined whatever plans Hydra had for their next step. When they found her, they would have her head. Maybe literally. And that very well could be the best case scenario for her.

The door was busted open with a loud crack. Dim morning light streamed into the darkness that she’d come to find solace in. She scrambled as far into the shadows as she could, pressing her body tight against the wall. Her hand wrapped around the grip of her gun. With any luck, she’d go unnoticed and she could get a move on before her captors managed to catch her scent again.

But this was most definitely not her lucky day.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.” A burly agent sing-songed as he ventured into her space. The words made her skin prickle. He stepped over discarded items littering the floor, shoving others out of his way without a care for any damage he did.

“We know you’re in there, принцесса,” Another voice called from outside the door. This comment sent a wave of nausea through her. That name was the last straw. She was not their princess.

“Do you know anything about…” Steve hesitated as he read over the note Natasha had made under the Russian written in the file. “About a Кровавая принцесса?”

“Bloodred princess.” Bucky repeated back in English. “Where did you get that? The name.”

(Y/N) pressed herself lower to the ground. She could fight her way out of this if she could just get out into the open. Her brain felt too cluttered, but her body knew exactly what to do. She slipped silently towards the agent, pressed low into an army crawl. She stayed as far into shadow as she could. She wasn’t a big fan of being underfoot.

Taking him down was nearly too easy. One dash towards him and a well aimed swipe of his legs and he toppled to the ground, his head bashing against a plastic storage container on the way down. She weaved her limbs around him, her thighs pinning his arms to his sides and her arms wrapping tight around his neck to choke him. He fought as well as he could, but she was easily draining the fight from him. He wasn’t a match to her enhanced strength.

“There’s a ton of files and reports. People talk about an assassin, they call her the bloodred princess.” Steve explained. He could practically hear Bucky tensing. “There were some heavily protected files. Nat’s working on getting in, seeing what else their hiding about her.”

“She’s like me. Another Winter Soldier.” Bucky said finally. “She’s strong. Maybe stronger than I was.”

Once she was convinced he was unconscious, she eyed the contents of the shed desperately. Bungee cords. She could work with that. By the time the agent groggily came to, he was securely tied up. She headed for the door, doing her best to keep out of the light until the last minute. Who was to say how many agents were waiting for her with their weapons trained on the door.

“She was so strong when they started on her. Had a lot of fight in her. By the time they were finished, she wasn’t using it against them anymore.” There was an edge of anger in Bucky’s voice as he continued on.

Her next moves were a blur, like she wasn’t really controlling herself; She was on autopilot. She fought off the first two agents easily. They were reluctant to shoot. The last thing they needed was their weapon of mass destruction laid up with bullet wounds. She knocked their guns from their hands, sending them skittering a good distance out of reach. The first made a quick move to grab her from the front. She aimed a punch at his jaw. It landed hard, surely knocking some teeth loose and sending him to the ground in agony. 

As she landed a swift kick to his diaphragm, the second agent wrapped his arms around her. Her arms were pinned and he had her lifted off the ground enough that she couldn’t manage any traction. She growled in frustration, wiggling a bit before tossing her head back hard and fast. She felt it connect with his face. A dull throb ran through her head but she brushed it off entirely. The agent groaned, his grip slipping enough to let her drop to the ground and knock his feet from under him.

The third agent was moving towards her now, seeming to come out of his hesitant stupor. He wasn’t too good at hiding his fear of her. He was new, she was sure of it. The grounded agent reached for her legs and she simply kicked at his ribs hard enough to break them like twigs.

“Stay.” She warned darkly.

“Stand down, soldat.” The final handler commanded. (Y/N) scowled. She never wanted to hear that word again.

“I don’t want to fight anymore.” She carefully scooted around the agents still on the ground until she was safely out of reach. “I just wanna go. Please don’t make me hurt you. I just wanna go.” She pleaded.

“You knew her.” Steve commented. It wasn’t quite a question, more of an observation. Bucky sighed and shifted a little bit.

“I trained with her. They would pit us against each other.”

The agent stepped closer, and (Y/N) took a couple frantic steps back. She was getting awfully close to being cornered and she wasn’t liking the feeling.

“You know I can’t let you go.” He reminded her. “Just come with me and we can get you back in the right headspace.”

 _“This is the right headspace, (Y/N).”_ The voice was back again. Strong and sure, something she didn’t feel nearly enough in the moment. She knew that voice. _“Get out.”_

“No.” She shook her head. “No. I will not go back there. You-you’ll punish me and take it all away again. Everything in my head. I won’t.” She was panicked now. She needed out. Then she caught it, the subtle shift of his finger onto the trigger of his gun. She ripped her gun from its holster and fired two shots.

The first embedded in his shoulder and knocked his gun to the ground. The second hit his stomach. A panicked look crossed his face as he stumbled back and clutched the wound. She was sure that her expression matched his. She was shaking. She didn’t want to hurt him. He was only a kid…

“I don’t know what they did with her. I don’t remember much else. She was only a kid.” Bucky confessed with a frustrated sigh. He wanted to be more helpful. To Steve, and to that girl who had her life stolen away from her.

“Thank’s Buck,”

“Oh god. I’m so sorry.” She ran towards him and snatched his gun from the ground. “I’m so sorry.” She repeated before turning and bolting. She needed to put some space between them and her.

She had lost track of just how far she’d run. She finally came to a stop after...she thought maybe an hour? She could feel the adrenalin wearing off as she slowed to a brisk walk. They weren’t going to give up that easily which meant she needed to get out of the open. But hey, a life on the run was better than a lifetime as a murderer, wasn’t it?

 _“You’ve come so far, my darling child.”_ The voice murmured, edging into her mind. It was softer now, warmer. It wasn’t pushing her or urging her to protect herself anymore. It was a sound of pure comfort. _“Just keep going, dearest. You aren’t out of the woods yet.”_

She took a deep breath and blew it out sharp and hard. She had a tendency to do that when she needed to focus. Or she had…it had been some time since she’d taken on her own quirks. It was as if she was melting into someone she didn’t know. She wasn’t acting like herself. Or like Hydra’s toy rather.

She needed someplace to hunker down and come up with a real plan. A few minutes walking and she found a seedy motel. To any normal traveler, the ramshackle building would’ve been repulsive. But (Y/N) wasn’t picky. She waltzed through the door with her head held high, power radiating off of her.

Behind the counter, a young man, maybe 19, was playing on his phone. He didn’t bother looking up until the runaway assassin cleared her throat. He flicked his eyes up, then did a quick double take and straightened his posture.

“I need a room.” She demanded. She was truly a sight to behold. There she stood in all black with her hair messy and loose. She’d lost her mask at some point during the past few hours, but her pretty face did nothing to offset the threat of the weapons she carried with such grace, or the blood that she had been stained with during the fight. She looked absolutely stunning, and even more deadly.

The kid nodded and scrambled for one of the room keys hanging up behind him. He tossed it towards her and she catched it easily with a half-hearted ‘thanks’. She didn’t have any money to pay for the stay, but she highly doubted the kid would dare try kicking her out.

The room was less than great, but it had a bed and a shower, and (Y/N) had slept in much worse conditions. She locked the door, starting to strip herself of her weapons. Knives, guns, ammo, even a couple grenades. Everything was splayed out in front of her, and the longer she looked at it, the worse she felt. How did this happen to her, when did she become a monster? Was she always a killer?

She sunk to her knees and gave in to the waves of fear. Sobs shook her body as she let herself curl up against the side of the bed. Her life was never going to be normal. She hiccupped out another sob and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. She’d always be running, always looking over her shoulder. She’d always be alone. Nobody would stay with her. If not because of the atrocities she’d committed then because nobody would risk the danger of loving a criminal. Hydra would never let her go.

“Listen, Buck,” Steve started. “I know it’s a lot to ask. But this might be our last chance to finish off Hydra once and for all.” Bucky knew exactly what Steve was trying to ask of him. He’d never tell him just how much he was dreading the question. Life was just beginning to settle for him. He had a home away from all the danger. He had a bed, and food. He had more than one person that he was learning how to trust. But he had never let Steve down before, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to start now.

“If we can track down this girl, we’ll need you here. Will you come?” There was a long silence. Of course he’d come. But his worries were choking his throat. “You don’t have to say yes.” Steve added. It was enough to snap him out of his thoughts.

“If you can get me there, I’ll come.” He promised. And neither one of them knew if this would end the way they hoped, or much much worse.

_She didn’t want this. She wanted to go home. She didn’t have any idea where she was or just how long she’d been there. They hadn’t let her sleep for more than a few moments. She was starving too, couldn’t even remember the last time she’d had something to drink. They dragged her out of the cell where they were holding her. Back towards the chair they’d strapped her to so many times that she’d lost count._

_She screamed and squirmed, fighting to get away. But they were stronger than her to begin with, and she was just so weak. It hardly took any effort for the two men to strap her in again. She looked at them with wide eyes. They were bloodshot from the crying and tears welled in them once again._

_“Please, no.” She sobbed weakly. “Please, I’ll do anything.”_

_“What is your name?” A man in a white lab coat questioned her. When she didn’t answer, a sharp smack stung against her cheek. She balled her hands into fists and clenched her jaw._

_“(Y/N). My name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Seemingly satisfied with her answer, the man gave a nod. The two metal pieces moved towards her head again and she found a new strength to fight. She couldn’t take it. Not again. Her desperate pleas were cut off by an agonized scream._

_She screamed until her throat was raw. She couldn’t think straight with the pulses of electricity assaulting her brain. When they stopped she slowly pried her eyes open. Her mind couldn’t put thoughts together, couldn’t bring herself to fight properly, she just squirmed weakly. And then they were repeating those words again._

_Парк..._

_Восемь..._

_What did they even mean?_

_Сгореть..._

_Семнадцать..._

_Was that...was that Russian?_

_Сломана..._

_Гавань..._

_She felt strange._

_Открыть..._

_Отказ..._

_Like she couldn’t think. Couldn’t focus._

_Отказ..._

_Делить…_

_The man in the white coat stepped closer and leaned in towards her face. Her eyes were glazed over, distant. He took this as a good sign. There was no emotion held in them._

_“How are you feeling, soldat?” He asked. Her eyes slowly drifted until they landed on him. It appeared to be a struggle for her to focus._

_“Where am I?” She asked in a near whisper, tugging at her restraints. This clearly pleased him, a wicked grin creeping onto his face._

_“This is a start. Once more.” He ordered._


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Violence, mention of gunshots wounds

Eventually, (Y/N) had calmed herself down from her little panic attack. She knew she didn’t have time for reckless emotion. She stashed her weapons under the bed, and managed to wash some of the blood out of her clothes. She had even gotten up and taken a shower. She couldn’t remember the last time she had bathed. Not that she remembered much of anything. By the time she stepped out, the water had gone ice cold and she’d nearly scrubbed her skin raw in an attempt to wash away any trace of her past, of the awful things she had done.

She didn’t manage more than a few hours of sleep, mostly just laying awake and listening to the quiet. Her thoughts weren’t so unbearably loud anymore, but they were more consistent than she was used to. They started to get this way after a particularly long mission she thought. It was strange, like her head was full for the first time. Her memories on the other hand, there was hardly anything there apart from the past day or so. Her memories on the other hand were essentially nonexistent beyond the past day or so. Ever since she had been given her mission. Trying to think beyond that just made her head throb.

Come morning, she hauled herself out of bed and smoothed her hair out. Her mostly dry clothes were pulled back on. She kneeled beside the bed and retrieved some of the weapons from underneath it. She had to go out, so going unnoticed was going to be key. Too many weapons and it would be a dead giveaway.

She reloaded her guns, tucking one into the holster at her hip, another was tucked safely into her waistband. She carefully slipped three knives into each of her boots, and strapped her dozen throwing knives into place around her thighs. That would have to do. She slid her room key securely into her pocket and hung the do not disturb sign on the door.

She needed a plan, a proper one. Needed to figure out where the hell she was, get something into her stomach, maybe score some cash if she was lucky. Not that she got lucky very often.

She flipped her hood up and slipped out of her motel room. She kept her head low, her eyes constantly scanning for any sign of danger. As she made it closer to the center of town, the streets grew unreasonably crowded. It had her on edge. Hydra could be hidden anywhere in the massive sea of people.

It was all so strange. Everyone was going about their lives as if the entire world wasn’t shaking and crumbling to the ground around her. (Y/N) wondered what it would be like to go through life completely oblivious to everything awful going on right under her nose. To be one of those girls walking down the street with a boy, just laughing, and flirting, and not worrying about the next time that she would have to fight for her life. She figured it was nice.

Her goals were repeated in her head, a sort of mantra. Anything to keep her focused as she weaved through the crowd. She caught bits of conversations here and there in a language that felt oddly familiar even though she couldn’t make out the words. Her frustration grew more and more. She was never going to get somewhere safe. Maybe she could find a city name, maybe even a map. She just needed a starting point.

Half an hour had passed, and (Y/N) was skittish to say the least. She had never planned to stay out in the open for so long. But between her unfamiliar surroundings and the unexpected crowd, she couldn’t move at a particularly good pace. Eventually, she had followed the current of people to an outdoor market.

She did her best to blend in with the bustling crowd, following the flow from booth to booth. She was a good thief, it had been engraved into her brain right alongside the killing. She had managed to pocket a couple pieces of jerky, an orange. She’d even gotten a wallet, though it was almost entirely empty. She was positive she was in the clear as she slipped a fresh roll into her jacket.

“I’m sorry, honey? You have to pay for that.” A woman’s sweet voice called to (Y/N) through a thick accent. She froze in her tracks, eyes flickering around for the best way out of the situation. She wasn’t thinking straight, she was being greedy. She had enough food. But the warm, familiar scent had been too much for her to resist.

“I’m so sorry,” She dropped her gaze from the middle aged woman who had spotted her. “Please understand, I’m sorry.”

With those words, she turned on her heel and bolted back the way she had come. She ran as quickly as possible through the crowd. There was a bit of a ruckus behind her, shouting and arguing. She could practically feel someone chasing her. Her nerves were on fire, and her instincts were fighting to take over. She had to hold back from shoving people out of her way and simply sprinting full speed. But she didn’t want to hurt anyone. She didn’t dare look back at her pursuer for fear of seeing the familiar face of one of her handlers.

She came skidding to a stop as a firm hand clamped around her arm. Her eyes flashed with unbridled danger, a first warning not to test her. She took a step away from the stranger, twisting away from him like he’d burned her.

“Don’t touch me.” She growled, her body language reminiscent of a cornered animal. Her brain screamed for her to get out at any cost, to just get away from it before things got worse.

“You need to give back what you stole, or pay for it.” The man demanded with a tone dripping with authority that did nothing to ease her fight or flight instinct. She grit her teeth.

_Calm down, (Y/N)._ The voice cut through, but she hardly processed it.

“I can’t do that.” She stated, eyes flicking over faces as the crowd grew around them. Attention was being drawn to her, and that was the very last thing she needed. “Please don’t do this. Just let me go.”

She backed up as far as she could, but the flow of the crowd had ground to a halt. Her (y/e/c) eyes went wide and wild, stormy with terror.

Then his hands were on her again, and the world felt like it was imploding. The air was sucked from her lungs, her body burned like every atom had been dipped into acid. She released an animalistic snarl and her free hand gripped his forearm with such strength she was sure it would leave a bruise in the shape of her hand. She pulled it towards her, using his grip on her for leverage until she felt the bone snap under her enhanced strength. The man screamed in agony, but she didn’t even flinch. She aimed a jab at his ribs without a care for the damage she dealt. As he crumpled to the ground, she stared at her hands. What had she just done?

People had their phones out, all trained on (Y/N). She turned again and pushed her way through the horde of curious strangers. Law enforcement would be on their way, and she feared that those videos would have her dragged kicking and screaming back to her cage. She didn’t know if she was headed towards safety anymore, but she had to run somewhere.

The ride in from Wakanda was unbelievably nice. T’Challa had sent Shuri and a handful of the Dora Milaje with Bucky. The idea was that it would be easier to sneak him into a country where he was a wanted criminal if he was smuggled in by a visiting royal on business. He had no reason to argue.

He’d tried catching up on some sleep, and writing in his journal, but nothing was working. His mind was already preoccupied. Thoughts of the mission were plaguing him, making it virtually impossible to focus on anything else. He was terrified to be in the field again. He hadn’t been put under that sort of pressure since he’d been taken into Wakanda. Something in him worried about being around her, that piece of his past, would trigger something deeper in his mind. If he turned back into that...that killing machine, there was no guarantee that his friends would stand a chance. Everything they had brought down upon themselves would be for nothing. But more than anything, he knew that he needed to try and help. For Steve, of course. And for her.

“We’re here.” One of the Wakandan warriors announced, and Bucky blinked himself back into reality. They’d pulled up to what almost looked like an apartment complex from the outside.He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but that rundown building wasn’t it. Steve had told him that Tony had helped fix up their little compound, but that didn’t seem like it was up to Stark’s standards.

He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up to obscure his face, and climbed out of the vehicle they’d all been piled into. He grabbed the two bags he had brought, and Shuri gave him a reassuring smile as if she could read his mind. Who knew, maybe she could.

“Good luck, sergeant. Let us know when you’re ready and we’ll bring you home.” She told him. A smile danced on his lips for a millisecond. Wakanda really had become like his home, and they all had welcomed him like long lost family.

“Thank you.” He nodded a tiny goodbye, and headed for the door. The frosted glass door swung open easily under Bucky’s touch. He stepped inside and jumped a bit at the sound of a chipper female voice.

“Welcome home, Sergeant Barnes. I’m F.R.I.D.A.Y.” She spoke. Stark had definitely helped with this place. “I’ve alerted Captain Rogers of your arrival.”

Bucky stepped a bit farther into the wide open lobby. The inside of the building was nice, much nicer than the outside let on. It was chic, sophisticated. It didn’t feel particularly homey aside from the table that had been set up with various books, papers, and other possessions scattered about it. The walls were a pale blue, matched to a dark grey tile. It reminded him of Stark and nothing of Steve.

Before he bothered analyzing any more of his surroundings, the elevator doors opposite him dinged open. Steve stepped out with a wide smile. He looked different, nothing like the Steve that Bucky was so used to. His hair was longer now, and not nearly as neat. His beard wasn’t shaved off, he’d let it get scruffy, and it suited him. A few strides, and the two men met in the middle of the room. Steve pulled him into a bruising hug that Bucky returned.

“It’s good to have you back, Buck.” Steve stepped back and gave his best friend a firm pat on the shoulder.

“It’s good to be back for a while.” Bucky replied. 

“Come on, let me show you around the place.” Steve nodded for Bucky to follow him. He hiked his bags back up onto his shoulder and did just that. Steve showed him the living area complete with a massive tv and every gaming system he’d ever heard of. It even had a pool table. Then he was shown the training gym, the room they’d dedicated to medical treatment, and the kitchen. Steve walked him through the upper floors, pointing out everyone's rooms. Music came from behind Sam’s door. Nat and Wanda were talking on Wanda’s bed when the two men peeked in. Even Clint had his own room in case he came around.

“Mine’s at the end of the hall. We’re the only ones staying up here right now.” Steve announced as they stopped at the room he’d saved for Bucky. “So if you need anything you can always come find me.”

Bucky didn’t miss the worry in his best friend’s voice. He’d gotten awfully good at picking it up recently. He hated it. Hated just how fragile it made him feel. Everyone treated him like he was going to fall apart at any moment. He hoped he wouldn’t treat her that way. Assuming they got to her at all.

“Relax, punk. I’ll be fine.” Steve did relax, even just a little bit. Bucky punched his friend’s arm. “I’m just gonna unpack and settle in. Probably try to catch up on my sleep.”

Steve nodded his approval and promised to wake him up in time to eat. Then, for the first time since he’d woken up that morning, Bucky was alone with his thoughts. He settled his things into his room. He tried to make it feel more like his hut in Wakanda. He put his clothes away, laid his journal and his phone on the stand by his bed. He laid down in the plush bed Tony had provided. But his damned head wouldn’t quiet down.

He knew exactly what she was going through. It was agony. The fear, the emptiness. He wanted to set her free. When he finally escaped their grasp, he had Steve. He didn’t think this girl had anyone, and he would never forgive himself if he let her go through it all by herself. He was the only person who could understand.

(Y/N) was absolutely panicked as she headed back to the safety of her motel room.She hoped that maybe they wouldn’t track her there. It was stupid, immature even. She hadn’t made it halfway back by the time the sea of people began parting for several men in uniforms — she counted five of them. Her heart was racing, her throat was getting tight. Her mind felt cloudy, like every piece of her was fighting against itself.

_(Y/N), you need to stay calm. Don’t let them take you over again._ The voice pleaded with her. She pressed a hand to her head and took a deep breath. It wasn’t working, she wasn’t calming down. Her brain was going fuzzy around the edges, all of her thoughts trying to turn to static. _Stay with me._

“Mom,” (Y/N) whimpered...to herself? To the voice? It was fading into the static, slipping through her fingers. It was so quiet now. It was being taken, and she needed it back, she needed her mommy.

They were closing in now, and she knew she was a goner. Like she was teetering at the edge of a cliff just waiting for the final push. She was waiting for the final push back into the bloodred princess.

“Please get back.” She pleaded desperately with the officers. The voice that came out hardly sounded like her. It sounded like that broken, terrified 17 year old that Hydra had trapped inside herself. She was scared, she could feel her training fighting to take over and mute her emotions. It was do or die, and judging by the guns trained on her, that was a literal statement.

It was a blur as her instincts kicked in. She dodged bullets and landed kicks and punches with the agility only a super soldier was capable of. She took a few hits. Her nose was bleeding, maybe broken. She knocked them down one by one, over and over until they finally stayed down. Once the danger had been subdued, her brain started to clear. She took notice of the searing pain in her left bicep. Her trembling hand pressed to the spot and she groaned softly when her hand came away wet with blood.

Fuck.

The walk back to her motel room took far less time than the walk into town. Turns out that people tended to steer clear of you when you’re covered in blood, brandishing a gun like a madman. She didn’t have a lot of time, she knew that much. She didn’t know who would be coming, but she wanted to get the hell out of dodge before she found out.

She stripped out of her blood soaked clothes and threw them in the tub to wash out. She set to work on her wounds with a calm, experienced hand that she didn’t realize she had. Getting the bullet out and stitching herself up would have to wait. She made herself a tourniquet and bandaged herself up.

Once the bleeding had stopped, she scrubbed the blood from her skin. She wasn’t even sure some of it belonged to her. This was the second time she’d done this in the past 24 hours and it most certainly bothered her. She washed out her clothes and hung them up to dry a little, then ate what was salvageable from her meal. She was so tired, all of her energy was gone. But she knew better than to fall asleep until her body recovered a little. It could be a death sentence. She just needed to stay awake…

Bucky had managed to fall asleep, but the girl found her way into his dreams too. He saw her, beautiful, and powerful, and every bit his equal. He saw her being tortured, watched the scientists break her down to nothing. She screamed for help, screamed for him to save her.

He knew it was only a dream when he woke up, but that didn’t make him feel any better. He replayed the sounds of her screaming, of her begging in his head. He only stopped when F.R.I.D.A.Y. announced that Steve had called him down for dinner in the living area. He took a moment, splashing some water onto his face and tying his hair back. He needed to relax.

He joined the team, in the living area. They were all lounging around, talking and eating bowls of something that smelled exceptional. Steve motioned to the bowl he’d set out for Bucky with his spoon, and he flashed a thankful smile as he sat down.

“Wanda cooked, so you don’t have to worry about getting food poisoning.” Natasha joked. He rolled his eyes playfully and tucked into his food. Everyone talked and joked. It reminded them all of better times. It was comforting really. They seemed to be taking it quite well, Bucky thought, the whole being nationally wanted criminals thing. Eventually, Steve sat his empty bowl aside and stood up.

“I think we should talk business. If we get this mission debriefing out of the way tonight, we can get started first thing tomorrow.” He said. This caught Bucky’s attention. Steve had Tony’s AI pull up a file and project it for everyone to see. It showed a few grainy photos of a woman, the girl that Bucky remembered, but she was all grown up now. She was dressed in dark clothes. In one of them she was totally decked out with weaponry standing at the side of a motorcycle. In another, she was in the middle of a fight with someone who was clearly losing. There was only one that was a clear show of her face, but there was nothing behind her eyes, no emotion evident anywhere.

“This is (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Steve went on. Bucky couldn’t look away. “People refer to her as the bloodred princess. We need her. She’s one of Hydra’s best kept secrets, a specially trained assassin completely under their control.”

Bucky could feel all the eyes in the room shift towards him. He had sort of expected it. She was him, and nobody knew for sure what to expect from either of them. But he didn’t look away from the pictures. Her name was (Y/N). He’d never heard it before. She was even more human in his mind than she’d ever been.

“So, wait, we got another Winter Soldier situation?” Sam asked, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder towards Bucky. Steve gave a sharp nod.

“Bucky knows what we’re up against. He’s our best chance of getting to her, and she’s our best chance of destroying Hydra forever.” Steve explained as calmly as he could. He was protective, not that any of the others cared that Bucky had joined their fight. Hell, they’d fought a civil war for him.

The debriefing went on. Steve told them where she’d last been spotted and that she may have gone rogue. He ran through their plans, made it very clear that they were going to try and help her. She would be brought back, and if they could get her to cooperate, they’d take her to Shuri and get her fixed up too. Soon enough, they were dismissed, and Bucky was the first to leave for the safe solitude of his room. He had a lot to think about now. They didn’t begin the mission until morning. That gave him the rest of the night to pull himself together And that had just become a great deal more difficult.

“Hey, Sergeant.” A sultry voice called out from behind him, and he turned around to see Natasha with a friendly smile. “You have a second?”

He nodded, leaning against the doorway to his room. She leaned herself against the wall across from him and simply looked at him for a second, her eyes examining his face.

“You seemed sort of uncomfortable back there. I didn’t know if that was about (Y/N) or Hydra or…” She trailed off as if giving him an opportunity to answer her. He didn’t take it, so she kept talking. “I’m gonna talk to Steve. You shouldn’t be in the middle of this.”

Bucky smoothed a hand over his hair. Any logical part of his brain knew that she was right, that he was too close to the situation to deal with it properly. But the rest of him was screaming. Weren’t they all too close to the situation? Every member of their team had a bone to pick with Hydra. So what if his was a little bigger? She wasn’t sure what to make of his silence.

“I just wanted to tell you that you won’t have to lead the charge. I’m making sure of it.” It didn’t exactly sound like she was reassuring him, but more like she was threatening him to stay in the back and bite his tongue. “You know where my room is if you want to talk. Goodnight.”

Bucky slipped into his room and changed his clothes. He wasn’t exactly tired, but his other option was taking a shower, and he was pretty sure that would only force him deeper into his thoughts. He sank onto his bed and closed his eyes. He’d really thought he’d escaped all of it. But helping people was in his blood. He couldn’t leave people to suffer, not anymore. And god, (Y/N) was suffering.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Violence, swearing, blood mentions, badly written fight scenes

She didn’t know how long she’d been out. She didn’t really even remember passing out. Her head was throbbing, but at least she had some of her strength back. She was on her feet fast, grabbing her weapons and strapping them on, moving to leave.

(Y/N) didn’t have time to come up with a plan. Truth be told, she didn’t even know if she had time to worry about her weapons. She needed to get out before it was too late. Before they caught up and took her back.

She nudged the curtain aside and peeked out the window. Nobody seemed to have followed her. That alone was suspicious, but she wasn’t going to overthink the good things she had. She slipped out the door and crept around the back of the building. She kept close to the wall, hiding in the shadows and doing her best to avoid being seen until she had nowhere else to hide. She needed to get as far from town as her body could take her.

She kept her head hung low, her hood pulled up. Not many people dared to look her in the eye. Even when she was trying to make herself small, she was a sight to behold; an unrivaled force. Pedestrians scampered out of her way as she marched down the streets of town.

No matter the persona, the dangerous energy she radiated, she was nothing more than a terrified little girl. She was in a panicked tizzy, her head was everywhere else — anywhere else — as she searched for her path to freedom.

The team had just arrived in the last town the Bloodred Princess had been spotted in. She was damn near a shadow, but Bucky knew the way she thought. It helped having him on their side. She had caused quite a commotion and then fallen off the radar of the locals. They found her in a park, tucked away at the edge of a secluded grove of trees.

Once he had seen her, Bucky wasn’t hearing anything Steve was saying. She was him; alone and afraid, her head on a constant swivel. She was like a cornered animal, and she was so much more dangerous that way.

“You with us Buck?” Steve’s voice cut through his thoughts. He dragged a hand through his hair. He wasn’t with them at all, he was right there at her side. But that wasn’t the answer they wanted. All it would do was earn him a talk he didn’t want to have, a lecture that he didn’t want to hear.

“Nat, Sam, you’re taking the lead. Me and Bucky will stick close by. If you need backup I’m there.” His eyes locked onto Bucky. It was almost comforting to see that familiar look of determination on Steve’s face. Almost. “Bucky is our last resort. She’s not like anything we’ve faced before.”

“Come on, Cap. We dealt with grandpa here, how bad can she be?” Sam joked, nodding towards Bucky. It was an attempt to lighten the mood. Everyone could feel Bucky drifting away, and they’d be lying if they said it didn’t make them a little nervous. Steve just gave him a stern look.

“I’m going in. Maybe we don’t have to fight our way through this one.” Natasha said, turning on her heel to march towards the ex-Hydra soldier. Steve protested, but she didn’t even flinch. There was no stopping her once she set her mind to something.

She walked closer, trying not to seem like a threat. Much easier said than done when it came to Natasha Romanoff. And the skittish young woman seemed to sense that. Her hand flew to her gun and she jumped to her feet. Nat didn’t falter, just held up her hands in surrender. She worked well under pressure.

“I just wanna talk to you.” She stated. The girl’s eyes narrowed. Nobody ever just wanted to talk. She backed up a couple steps, and Natasha took it as a sign to give her some space.

(Y/N) searched for an escape. She’d have to run, and chances were she’d end up even more turned around than she already was. She hadn’t spotted backup for the woman in front of her, but she was sure there were agents waiting in the wings. Nobody in their right minds would send an agent to take her down alone. Not even Hydra was that brave, and they certainly weren’t that reckless.

“You’re Hydra. But they use you like a toy, don’t they? They don’t care about you.” Natasha began, but a storm of anger swirled in (Y/N)’s eyes, her entire body tensed like a lion prepared to pounce.

“I am not Hydra.” Her voice thundered. “I’m not Hydra, I won’t go back there.”

“We don’t want you to go back, (Y/N). We want to help.” Natasha pressed forward again, but this time the other agent stayed firmly rooted in place.

_She knows who you are, (Y/N). She hasn’t tried to hurt you._ The voice in her head tried to talk her down from that dangerous ledge once again, but her heart was racing, her entire head was filling with a panicked fog.

“Don’t say that name. Stay away from me.” Natasha was closing in now, and the panic was nearly overwhelming. She clung desperately to what calm she had left, begging her wits to stay about her.

“I’m afraid I can’t leave you alone.” Nat murmured. “We need your help, (Y/N). And you need ours.”

She reached to touch (Y/N)’s arm, and the Hydra agent gave way. She pushed back everything, her self control, her common sense, and melted into her training.

Her hand wrapped around Natasha’s wrist in a bruising grip. With a shuffle of her feet, and a shift of her weight, she pushed Natasha over her shoulder with superhuman strength, sending the assassin flying into a tree. She groaned pushing herself off the ground and spun to press herself against the other side of the trunk. Maybe they couldn’t talk themselves out of this one.

Gunshots rang out as (Y/N) fired several shots at the tree, slowly closing the distance between them. _You aren’t a murderer. Think about this!_ Her mother’s voice was desperate, trying to remind her of who she really was. But this wasn’t quite her, and it wasn’t quite the Bloodred Princess. No, this was a terrified girl protecting herself the only way she knew how.

She swung around, gun leveled to shoot through the other woman’s chest, but she faltered. There was nobody there. She spun around, her throat growing tight. She was met with a kick to the jaw. Her entire head rattled, and she had to catch herself against the tree. She wasn’t going to let it distract her.

She blocked another kick and threw a flurry of enraged blows. One after another was blocked or dodged with cat-like agility until she finally managed to land a hit. A crushing kick against Natasha’s chest sent her tumbling through the air and into a bench that shattered under the force of her landing. She groaned.

“A little help here, boys?” She snapped into their comms, already back on her feet as the ex-Hydra agent moved closer, but she didn’t make it very far.

Sam swooped from the air, both of his feet landing hard against her chest. (Y/N) tumbled a decent ways away, stopping with a groan. She slammed her fist into the ground with a frustrated grumble before pushing herself up again.

She pulled another gun from her holster, leveling it at her newest target’s head. As her finger found the trigger, the weapon was knocked from her grip. It skittered away, and Natasha wrapped herself around the girl’s body, a flurry of limbs that wrestled her to the ground. She squirmed, back pressed to uneven dirt and a knee nestled against her throat.

She fought to find purchase against the ground, gripping the trained assassin and managing to force her aside. With the momentum of the attack (Y/N) flew to her feet. In an instant, she was turned and sprinting towards Sam with an angry frustration swirling in her gaze. He made to take to the sky, but her hand found his ankle and dragged him back to solid ground. She clung to one of the mechanical wings, jabbing an elbow towards his face and catching him in the nose.

There was another attempt at escape on his part, but she tightened her grip on his wing, tearing it from the suit with ease. She pivoted, slamming the piece into his head and forcing him to fall to his knees. She threw the useless wing aside and backed away.

“I’m grounded,” Sam groaned to his team, scrambling for some semblance of shelter. “We might be needing that backup, Cap.”

Nobody had noticed the way (Y/N)’s hands trembled, of the way she so desperately avoided killing, even when her instincts begged her to. All she wanted was to get out, to be free. She turned and raced away, sprinting hard and fast. She tried to listen past the rush of blood in her ears for the sound of someone chasing after her. But there wasn’t anything to hear, no sign that she was being pursued until a firm grip on her arm stopped her in her tracks. She spun, expecting one of her previous opponents but being faced with someone entirely new.

“Leave me alone,” She wailed at the top of her lungs, her throat burning with the scratch of the scream. Her eyes darted around wildly. She needed to get away, she needed out. She couldn’t go back. “Just leave me alone, let me go.”

The sheer power behind the agony laced scream caught Steve off guard. He’d expected blank eyed stoicism like when he’d first encountered Bucky. But this was entirely different. She was falling apart. His grip loosened just a little, and that was all she needed.

She slipped her arm free, winding up and landing a blow to his jaw. She hit him several more times, catching his cheekbone, and feeling his nose crack under her fist. Then she kicked against the side of his knee and watched him crumple to the ground before she took off again.

She ducked to safety behind a parked car, running her hands over her face and trying in vain to regain her grasp of her common sense. She needed to find a way out that didn’t rely on brute force because for once, she didn’t think she could fight her way out of this one.

She didn’t get the chance to think too much more on the matter. Steve caught sight of her again, closing in. Her panic returned. She rolled aside, leaping to her feet. She launched herself at him, using the car as a springboard. She hooked her legs around his neck, twisting her body in the air to drag him to the ground. She landed on top of him, digging her knee into his shoulder and pressing the blade of her knife to his throat.

“Who are you?” She demanded. When he didn’t answer, she pressed the blade harder against his skin, a few drops of blood gathering against glinting metal. “Who are you? What do you want with me?”

“My name’s Steve.” The man finally answered. She let up on the knife. She’d hit him pretty good from what she could tell. He had a split lip, and his nose was bleeding pretty well. “I’m trying to take down Hydra, but I need your help.”

That was enough. She shook her head with a humorless laugh. He was lying through his teeth. This was all some cruel joke, a cover story to win her trust, and it wasn’t going to work. Nobody could take down Hydra, nobody was crazy enough to try. Besides, how could anybody possibly know that she was Hydra’s little toy soldier unless they were Hydra themselves? It was impossible.

“You’re lying. You’re one of them!” In her moment of absolute terror, Steve pulled the knife from her hand. He dragged her off of him and shoved her with enough force to send her rolling. She glared and pulled one of her throwing knives from its place. She threw it and watched it whiz past his ear and embed itself in the side of a car. She threw another, then another. The first dug into his thigh, the other in his shoulder. Maybe she could get out of this after all.

Bucky couldn’t watch his friends get beaten to a pulp anymore. She was destroying them, and he recognized the fear in her eyes. They weren’t going to stop her by doing whatever the hell they were trying to do. Nobody was going to win this fight, he had to help. Who exactly he was helping he still wasn’t sure.

“I’m going in.” He stated. Nat protested in his ear, but he wasn’t about to listen to her. As he ran towards his best friend, he thought about his role in the encounter. He’d have to fight her, and the thought made him sick. He knew her fighting style, a strange sort of mix between his sheer force and Natasha’s acrobatics. If anyone could take her down, it was him.

But when he saw her, his mind seemed to freeze. She was bloody and breathless, her (Y/E/C) eyes were wide and wild. Steve was there too, bleeding and looking a bit shocked at just how desperately she fought against him.

She saw Steve looking past her, saw the wave of relief that seemed to ease through him. She spun on her heel, drawing her gun. Then she locked eyes with him.

All of the emotions that she’d only just begun to feel again washed through her. Dread, relief, anger, joy, excitement, and then, strongest of all, exhaustion. Her gun fell from her fingertips, and her legs went weak under her weight. Tears pricked behind her eyes. Her heart was in her throat, and her chest felt too heavy for her lungs to expand properly.

_‘He’s here!’_ She thought. Then, _‘Oh god...he’s here’_

“No,” She whimpered, scrambling to back away from him on shaky limbs only to end up at Steve’s feet. Her bloody and bruised face was streaked with tears. She stared up at him, the winter soldier, with watery eyes, and he just stared back. “Please…”

_The door creaked open, and four more Hydra agents marched in, guns at the ready. She was standing at the far wall, her own security detail standing watch. She lifted her gaze from the ground, finally looking at him. There he was, the fist of Hydra. Their beloved soldier. He was the entire reason she existed. She was a safety, his replacement in case of emergency._

_She could feel her head beginning to buzz, thoughts popping up just out of reach, questions forming about everything. About why she did what she did, and why she didn’t do anything. She eyed the man, but he wasn’t looking at her. His dark hair hung around his face, and his features were obscured. His hand came up, taking off the glasses that shielded stunning blue eyes. Their eyes locked onto one another, and for a moment she could have sworn she saw him falter, like someone else had risen to the surface for a moment. His other hand tore his mask off, and (Y/N) caught the glint of metal._

_Even in the massive training arena, she felt as if she were being suffocated. They were given their orders. They’d fight until one of them was called back, until one of them was dancing too close to the edge of death for their liking. They called it training. She’d never been allowed to train with him before._

_She didn’t have to think. She lunged for him, throwing a punch towards his jaw. He didn’t flinch, just caught her fist and twisted her arm down. She growled to hide the pain. She maneuvered her body, practically wrapping herself around his arm and forcing the both of them to the ground._

_For what could have been hours, the fight seemed fair, but soon enough her stamina was slipping. Her blocking was hasty, her punches were sloppy. It hardly took any effort on his part to get her pinned. Her legs were trapped under his weight, and his metal hand gripped so tight around her throat that her vision tried to go dark, her breath came in desperate wheezes. She clawed at the smooth metal of his arm, but to no avail. His fist pulled back, and she squeezed her eyes shut as it flew towards her face._

A soft groan left (Y/N)’s lips as she came to. Her entire body ached and her eyes fluttered open. The lights practically blinded her, and she moved to rub at her eyes. It was half a moment before she realized that her wrists were cuffed to the chair she’d been out in. She thrashed desperately and tears blurred her vision. The metal dug her skin raw until she finally gave up.

She was back, they’d gotten her. She should have realized that she couldn’t really escape. It was idiotic to run. She choked back a sob. She was so weak. Maybe if she hadn’t been she could have broken herself free. But she couldn’t, and it wouldn’t have done any good. She couldn’t fight her way out. Not again.

She slumped back in the chair and closed her eyes. Terror was swirling in her stomach and her head pounded and ached to an extent she couldn’t remember feeling before. She couldn’t possibly keep fighting She couldn’t keep fighting for Hydra, taking innocent lives. But she couldn’t keep this up, constantly fighting her way towards a freedom she couldn’t guarantee she’d find. She sniffled and ignored the way tears were streaming down her face.

Even with the door between them, Wanda could feel her panic. It was familiar, so much like how it had felt when she first met Bucky; heavy, and frantic, and so devastating. It tore through her chest. She remembered her own time with Hydra. It was hell, she’d been out through endless torture, treated like an animal. But at least she had chosen to be there.

“She’s afraid.” She stated, looking over to where Steve was watching her with his arms crossed and his usual stern look. “Afraid, and weak. It’s like she’s fighting with herself.”

The enhanced woman couldn’t help the feeling in her gut. She didn’t like being in other people’s heads. It was invasive, and hadn’t (Y/N) had enough people messing with her mind? 

“Think you can talk to her?” Natasha’s voice startled her a little, but she nodded. She had sworn she wouldn’t use her powers on her, but maybe she could talk to her, calm her down. It was worth a try.

Wanda opened the door and looked over the woman who sat locked into the chair. (Y/N) however didn’t look up, she just kept her eyes shut tight. Part of her was too afraid of what she’d see, but the other part just didn’t have the energy. 

“You’re awake. We were beginning to worry.” She smiled, but the other woman simply curled her hands into fists. “My name is Wanda. Hydra had me too. And my brother.”

That seemed to connect. Her eyes opened and she lifted her head up slowly to examine Wanda, who let a swirl of red energy spark from her fingertips.

“They did terrible things to you. Worse than anything they did to me. But we won’t hurt you. We can help. They’ll help you just like they helped me.”

(Y/N)’s eyes were cold, and despite the tears glistening in them, she refused to show her fear.

“So that’s the big plan? Send another one of Hydra’s dogs in here to remind me of just how good it is being controlled?” She snapped, fighting again against her restraints and choking back tears. “Fuck Hydra, fuck all of you.”

Her voice rang out through the room. She struggled helplessly to free herself. The metal creaked with the effort to hold her back. She let out an agonized scream, finally giving up yet again and letting the tears run again. 

“We aren’t Hydra. We want to help you get them out of your head.” Wanda stayed as calm as she could. “We got your injuries fixed up. You should be feeling better soon. I’ll bring food. Just...try to rest. We can talk when you feel better.”

She slipped out the door, and (Y/N) sat in the deafening silence of the room. She didn’t know what to believe, didn’t know what was true. She didn’t know if she could trust these people, Hydra or not. And most of all, she didn’t know how long she could keep it all up.

_Rest, love. Rest, and it will all work out._

Ever since they’d gotten back to their compound, Bucky had disappeared. All he could hear was the way she pleaded with him. She was afraid of him, just like everyone else. And God almighty it hurt. He could have sworn he felt everything fall away right then and there. In her eyes, he was no different than the monsters that had taken her life away from her.

Natasha had chewed him out the entire way home, but he did a good job of tuning her out. He didn’t need to hear about how reckless he’d been, how he could’ve messed it all up with the way he froze when he saw her. She wanted him to stay out of it, she was mad that Steve had even recruited him for the mission to begin with. But the thing was, there was no way he could stay out of it. Something in him knew better. She needed him, or she would eventually, and he was going to be there no matter what.

Steve on the other hand wanted to use her reaction against her. He wanted Bucky to be in there, to get her to give them something. He refused. He couldn’t do that, couldn’t break her down the way they would. He couldn’t stand the thought of even being there.

He’d locked himself in his room, he hadn’t even waited to see what they did with her. He kicked off his boots and collapsed onto his bed. He didn’t have any clue what time it was, no idea how long he’d laid there with his thoughts swirling hopelessly in his head.

A sharp knock came, and Bucky dug the heels of his palms against his eyes.

“Yeah, come in.” The door clicked open, and Bucky kept his hands pressed to his eyes. He knew it was Steve.

“She’s shutting down. She thinks we’re Hydra.” Steve informed him. The brunette sat up and dragged his hands through his hair.

“I don’t want to know.” He half snapped at his best friend who held his hands up in surrender.

“Figured you might be interested. You really seemed intent on helping her. What’s going on with you?” Steve moved to sit at the edge of the bed.

“Do you really think this is helping her?” Bucky shook his head. No, Steve wasn’t stupid, but maybe he was too laser-focused on Hydra to see that they weren’t acting much better than them. “How are we any different than them? We kidnap her, force her to give us what we want, and tell her that it’s all for the best.”

He slammed his fist into the mattress and groaned. He knew she must be falling apart, and he couldn’t help her. She saw him as a threat, and who could blame her…

“We’re just trying to get answers. Nobody is hurting her.” Steve argued.

“Maybe not physically.” He scoffed. “I’m tired, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Steve tried to keep the conversation going, to get his best friend to talk to him. But he wasn’t playing along, and Steve knew better than to try and force it. So he stood up and headed for the door.

Once he was alone again, Bucky leaned back again and closed his eyes. He’d expected Steve to deal with things a bit more calmly. Or at least have tried to. But maybe that wasn’t an option, but he should have worked harder to keep her safe. Maybe he wasn’t able to, maybe he never had been. But he had never tried hard enough. So how could he forgive himself?

It was Wanda who came back. She brought a plate with her. A couple sandwiches and a side of applesauce. It wasn’t much, but it was more than (Y/N) had managed in her past few days. Maybe more than she’d ever had. She couldn’t quite remember.

“When I leave they’ll let you out of those cuffs.” Wanda sat the plate down and smiled at the woman. “We don’t want you to feel like a prisoner. We don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“I am a prisoner.” (Y/N) stated. Wanda had nearly made it to the door, but she turned to look back at her anyway. “I am your prisoner. You have me locked to a chair, inside a locked room, inside a locked building. I’m not free.”

Wanda pressed her lips together. It was true, and she couldn’t argue it. But it was for the right reasons, wasn’t it? Surely once (Y/N) calmed down she would be able to see that.

“We need your help. Eat, rest. Someone will be back in the morning.” Wanda turned against and slipped out the door. There was a long moment before the cuffs clicked open. She flexed her wrists and tried to ignore the glare of raw skin.

She hesitated for a long moment before scrambling out of the chair. She pulled the plate protectively towards her. She finally had food, she had safety — no matter how temporary. Most importantly, she had until morning to figure out just how she was going to deal with it all.

**Author's Note:**

> This series was originally posted by me on wandas-sunshine on tumblr. All writing here belongs to me.


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